Washing wonders, sadness and getting on with it

A week ago today I got my first automatic washing machine in 23 years. Since then I’ve worked its electric fingers to the bone (I’ve lost count of the loads I’ve fed it but we’re talking 16+) and it’s done it all without a complaint.

Last Saturday I had no clean jeans in my wardrobe and the pair I was wearing I’d had on for a week. I had two clean blouses/shirts, no clean socks and I was running out of briefs (or knickers/shreddies – you choose). I had just put clean bedding on the bed and only had that because a friend had washed it for me.

I’ve had a twin tub for a long time but they are such hard work. You have to swap the laundry from tub to spinner and it never seems to be quite clean. I run out of energy doing this even if it’s only a few loads because it bleeds me dry. So my laundry pile got higher and higher and I felt that I would never be free from it.

Today I don’t have a laundry pile. Between the new machine, my alien dryer, clothes horses and the odd radiator it’s all done and mostly dried. Most of it is ironed too – not because I want to do it but because ironed clothes are easier on the skin when you have eczema.

My kitchen is tidier because it’s new and not falling apart around me so I feel that’s two  things I have more control of.

I still have no control over the rapid cycling, the continued physical tiredness but unable to feel rested because of an over-stimulated, never resting mind. Because of this my eating habits are dire and  I have to accept that this is probably always going to be the way. I’m not giving up on them but having bipolar disorder to this degree means that I either accept my limitations now or being driven half (or closer) to suicide by driving myself too hard.

Self-neglect is both a symptom and an outcome.

The sadness in today comes via a supporter of a vile politician who is entitled, quite rightly, to her own views but when it comes to supporting discrimination against people because of their religion then it’s time to say goodbye to them. I’ve withdrawn quietly from their lives and, as we’ve never met in real life and she’s an ocean away, there will be no confrontation.

And so on we move.