Time, tasks & all that shit

Time is very difficult for me. I’m not sure if it’s the bipolar being bizarre or the compulsion in OCD chaining me to a radiator in some strange place.

I have to do certain things my a certain time in the day. I can only go out on a morning on rare occasions which is a bit of a bugger because my GP appointments are scheduled for 9.00 am at the moment.

I have to do certain things in the morning or they don’t get done at all. They may get done the next day but equally they may not.

Switching the washing machine on is a morning thing. Ironing is a morning thing. Changing the bed starts off in the morning and goes on in stages until early evening. Baking bread can happen at any time but when I do it it throws everything else out of the window.

I miss out on a lot of things because the bipolar compulsion keeps me inside but, to be honest, a lot of it I’d avoid if I wasn’t being so pissy about not having a choice.

This week has been difficult. My eating has been especially disordered and I’ve eaten far too much fat. I’ve been sub manic; energy has been both usable and un-coordinated and as a result I’ve spent the whole week confused and not coping well.

Today I’ve done a lot but now the flat is disorganised again. I truly do not know how it happens but it’s certainly a bag of shite.