The comfort of nightmares

I’m increasing my medication and it’s at a faster rate than when I reduced it. There are side effects both going up and down and, for me at least, nightmares are a big part of this.

Last night the nightmare was very vivid and it seemed totally bizarre but very real. As it happened just before waking (as my mind is freeing itself from the drug) it is easy for me to recall.

The detail I’m not going to bother you with. My nightmares aren’t of much interest to anybody but the message that I get from this particular one is loud and clear. I was at a point where I had a choice to make between two things and that neither of them led to a position that I should have allowed myself to be in. As I say the detail isn’t of interest to you but it scared the hell out of me.

Sitting with my breakfast mug of tea this morning I realised that it was actually a very distorted memory of something that went back nearly 30 years. It was a bleak reminder that if I choose not to take options that are available then I’m responsible for only having the narrow options that are left to me.

Exercising options isn’t always possible and I can’t see into a future where making a different choice is the wrong one. The comfort is that I’ve learned that I don’t have to make decisions quickly. It’s more than okay to wait and make the right one. Now I’ve just got to remember that.