On being aimless…

I’m having some time off from social media, mostly Twitter, as I need to make some room in my head to feel less disenchanted with the world and less angry at people. I don’t feel that comfortable around people anyway and when I get to feeling the way I do now I really need to isolate myself a little more than usual and reassess things. Isolation can me very good for the soul.

Twitter is time consuming and it’s easy to get into an exchange with people that takes up too much time and, while I’m tempted to tell people fuck off and leave me alone at times, I respond politely. Well most of the time I respond politely.

In the past 24 hours or so I’ve been reasonably detached from social media and I’ve come to realise that I’m not using some of the coping techniques that have been successful in the past and I’m going to change things straightaway.

I used to read a book a day and when I went through a prolonged period where I found it very difficult to concentrate and retain information I got out of the habit and filled the time I used to spend reading with something else. In the past few months I’ve been reading regularly again and I know that I need to make time to create silent periods in my day when I can devote myself fully to whichever book it is that I’m reading.

I used to take a day off every week and have been out of that habit for a long time. It sounds strange to hear that someone who does not and cannot work has days off but we all need respite from our daily lives. I need to learn to ignore things that seem to be sent to distract me and spend the time doing something that I really love and being mindful.

When I first began my recovery from alcoholism nearly 24 years ago the GP I saw at the time gave me some fantastic advice. He told me to go out for a walk and take just enough money to get the bus home if I got tired. He further advised me to take a sandwich and something to drink so that I wouldn’t go into shops and end up back in the routine of everyday life. Once I had my sandwich, drink and bus fare I had to go out for a walk, not go anywhere and when I hadn’t been anywhere I could go back home. It took me ages to work out what he meant but when I finally did it I understood what that it was about learning to be aimless.

Life does not need to be chock full of purpose. It’s ok to waste time sat daydreaming or wandering about and it should not be deemed a guilty pleasure as you should never feel guilty about protecting yourself.

At least once a week I’m going to have a To Don’t list as opposed to a To Do list. I’m going to write the things I can leave for a day on it and enjoy not doing them. There will always be the things I have to do but To Do lists should be about the extra things we have to do not the ordinary and mundane tasks.

Tomorrow I’m not going to do any laundry, I’m not going to tweet and I’m not going to hoover the flat but what I am going to do is be aimless, mindful and relaxed.

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