I’ve had a fabulous 10 days or so. A project I’ve had input in is really taking off in a very positive way and another is just beginning with all the signs that it will do well. I don’t do tons of stuff with either because basically I’m the ideas woman. I come up with ideas, point you in the right direction and shout out directions when you get lost. I’m good at it and the world needs people with a good sense of direction and loud voices.
I feel that we’re turning a corner with winter which is why I’ve had such a good week. I don’t have a diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) but I don’t function as well during the winter and I’ve been stuck in a lowness that seems to have gone on forever.
Unfortunately when I have a good week, or even just a few days, it all ends up pretty messy and with me taking diazepam and sleeping pills for a few days. Once I start feeling good it’s a short leap to mania and, voila!, here I am.
It’ll pass it in it’s own sweet time as it always does. I’m lucky that whilst I’m badly affected I also have the time and the space to sit and wait it out. I’ve got the most gorgeous support team who never seem to lost patience with me even when I’ve lost patience with myself.
I could sit an analyse where this mania has come from and pretty much predict the severity of the down then the height of the next up but I won’t. My mind is too fractured and bitty to concentrate on much and so I’ve decided not to obsess and over analyse.
Life is like baking bread. We get all the right ingredients together and all the conditions are right then we just have to wait. A lot of the time it will come out just right but, at others and despite our best efforts, it will be a bit bleurgh.
Life is just like that. We should be thankful for the good times and the bad times? Learn, move on and whatever you do, don’t go back to the bin you’ve just consigned it to just in case you’re mistaken. You won’t be. Trust yourself and get back up to your elbows in a new batch of life’s baps and buns.