I’ve deleted the two blog posts that I’ve written this week. I’d broken the rules about blogging which are by all means write when you’re angry or deeply emotional but don’t push the ‘publish’ button until you’ve edited the hell out of it the next day.
I feel the same way as I did when I wrote them but toned down. I’m angry but I don’t want to go out seeking one the offenders with an AK47 but there is a deep feeling of betrayal. As for the other they claimed not be be adding drama to the situation when drama is exactly what was being added. I have enough drama in my life without another drama queen challenging my title for the most dramatic drama queen ever.
There is no sense of forgiveness because there is no need to forgive the foolish and they will both be easily forgotten. The lessons will be learned and used as a shield as I check people out more thoroughly in the future.
Today I’ve had a good day. I promised myself to do some laundry which I did and I finally took two carrier bags of books to the Scope charity shop. Dropping the books in there was a form of letting go of my past because it acknowledges that my mind can’t face up to the rigours of study anymore and I don’t need to push myself or give my self a hard time over it. If you know you’re clever then you don’t have to justify even to yourself.
When I walked Ogden we got chatting to the guy who empties the bins in the park and he told me that travellers have been spotted in the area and asked me to keep a look out for them. We met a neighbour who was walking another neighbour’s dog because she’d been injured so we caught up on the local gossip. We bumped into a homeless woman who has a thing about Ogden and, when he’s in the mood, he has a thing for her too. I heard a shout behind us on one street, “It’s my nervous dog!” I knew it was the young Polish woman who lives on the corner of a street we often walk down and she got a huge hug from Ogden which made her smile. We chatted about one thing and another and she introduced me to the friend who was staying with her for a few weeks. A few yards from home we bumped into a former neighbour (he has the driest and most cracked heels I’ve ever seen!) and we chatted for ages while Ogden and his dog did play bows and generally behaved like idiots. We discussed his belief in Atlantis and little green men and my disbelief in both.
Back home I made a cup of tea and gave Ogden some treats and settled down to talk to a few people on the phone. One conversation was about a website that developed into a lesson into how to flavour vinegar and how to cook with it instead of just sloshing it over your chips. The second was with one of my closest friends, somebody I’ve known for around 20 years and we bandied around insults for a while before we both went off to do other stuff.
This is the blog I should have written instead of the angry and emotional filled ones that I did in the two days after I was deeply upset because it’s important to celebrate the good stuff. Have a picture of a duck, ducks are good stuff.