Well hello depression

I have always been on the depressive side of manic depressive and even during the times when I rapid cycle so many times a day that I lose count there was always the certainty that when the cycling stopped that I would stop in depression and not mania. Depression, while a disgusting and debilitating experience,… Continue Reading Well hello depression

Privacy and the peeled baby

Today I feel exhausted and the pain I felt from writing my most recent blog has left me feeling soulless. I rarely expose so much of myself when I write. People often think that they know me through my writing but that’s not true – they learn of my experiences but me, my inside self,… Continue Reading Privacy and the peeled baby

I’m going to talk, are you listening?

A few weeks ago I got a letter through the door telling me I was due for an ESA reassessment. Part of me dreaded looking at the form and so I didn’t for a few days and allowed myself to feel panicked and because I allowed that feeling it passed. When I looked at it… Continue Reading I’m going to talk, are you listening?

Washing wonders, sadness and getting on with it

A week ago today I got my first automatic washing machine in 23 years. Since then I’ve worked its electric fingers to the bone (I’ve lost count of the loads I’ve fed it but we’re talking 16+) and it’s done it all without a complaint. Last Saturday I had no clean jeans in my wardrobe… Continue Reading Washing wonders, sadness and getting on with it

Desperate and deranged

I have had three days of hell. I know people describe days as “hell-like” a lot but when the hell is in your own mind and conspiring against you it really is bloody hellish. I’ve tried to get across to my GP and a psychiatrist that I’ve been manic for over a year now and… Continue Reading Desperate and deranged

The Co-op, Council, Citizens Advice Bureau & the consequences

This blog is about something that happened a long time ago but I still feel the effects from it even now and it is something I’ll never stop being angry about. It’s not about hurt feelings or dismissive behaviour it’s about the stripping of dignity under the guise of banking policy and voluntary work. When… Continue Reading The Co-op, Council, Citizens Advice Bureau & the consequences

How to pronounce ciabatta, a rant & phoning the BBC while asleep

I’ve got listings on a website to update but I won’t be able to settle down and do them until I’ve written. I have little idea of what I need to say beyond the opening paragraph but I know I have something to say – whether it’s meaningful or not is unimportant. I’m wondering if… Continue Reading How to pronounce ciabatta, a rant & phoning the BBC while asleep

Today is gratitude day…

Yesterday was the final day of three days of mania. It was extreme irritability day (I was very annoyed with myself even) and it was breaking point day. If I were ever to commit suicide – and I sincerely hope that I never will – it would be on the final day of a manic… Continue Reading Today is gratitude day…

Help and the lack of it

When people talk about people with “mental health issues” slipping through the net it’s usually because a person with a mental health diagnosis has killed somebody or they’ve committed suicide after they’ve been in the system and discharged or thought not to be a risk but there is another side to it. I’ve been in… Continue Reading Help and the lack of it

Changes, changes, changes

After around 8 – 10 months of what has become chronic mania I am finally depressed for more than 24 hours. It feels awful but it also feels good in a bizarre way. I’m not in a high grade depression, it’s relatively low grade, and so liveable with. Strange though it may seem to some… Continue Reading Changes, changes, changes