Well hello depression

I have always been on the depressive side of manic depressive and even during the times when I rapid cycle so many times a day that I lose count there was always the certainty that when the cycling stopped that I would stop in depression and not mania. Depression, while a disgusting and debilitating experience,… Continue Reading Well hello depression

Privacy and the peeled baby

Today I feel exhausted and the pain I felt from writing my most recent blog has left me feeling soulless. I rarely expose so much of myself when I write. People often think that they know me through my writing but that’s not true – they learn of my experiences but me, my inside self,… Continue Reading Privacy and the peeled baby

I’m going to talk, are you listening?

A few weeks ago I got a letter through the door telling me I was due for an ESA reassessment. Part of me dreaded looking at the form and so I didn’t for a few days and allowed myself to feel panicked and because I allowed that feeling it passed. When I looked at it… Continue Reading I’m going to talk, are you listening?

Washing wonders, sadness and getting on with it

A week ago today I got my first automatic washing machine in 23 years. Since then I’ve worked its electric fingers to the bone (I’ve lost count of the loads I’ve fed it but we’re talking 16+) and it’s done it all without a complaint. Last Saturday I had no clean jeans in my wardrobe… Continue Reading Washing wonders, sadness and getting on with it

Of Eric and Ogden

At the end of July I had a consultation with a psychiatrist that I’d know fn a long time. I was feeling manic and had done for nearly a year and it had stemmed from an attempt to go medication free. Being medication free is the Holy Grail for most people with mental health problems… Continue Reading Of Eric and Ogden

Equality and the doctor’s receptionist

This isn’t a terribly coherent post, I just really need to rant or else I’d be tempted to lamp somebody. I’m a bit angry and I’ve really, really, really bit my tongue hard during a phone conversation I had about half an hour ago. I have this pain in my left breast and it’s not… Continue Reading Equality and the doctor’s receptionist

How to pronounce ciabatta, a rant & phoning the BBC while asleep

I’ve got listings on a website to update but I won’t be able to settle down and do them until I’ve written. I have little idea of what I need to say beyond the opening paragraph but I know I have something to say – whether it’s meaningful or not is unimportant. I’m wondering if… Continue Reading How to pronounce ciabatta, a rant & phoning the BBC while asleep

Today is gratitude day…

Yesterday was the final day of three days of mania. It was extreme irritability day (I was very annoyed with myself even) and it was breaking point day. If I were ever to commit suicide – and I sincerely hope that I never will – it would be on the final day of a manic… Continue Reading Today is gratitude day…

On being unbelievably ratty…

I’ve been really high manic again for three days and it’s wearing me out. I’ve baked bread and scones, I’ve done laundry, I’ve hoovered every day (unheard of) and walked for miles and it’s all taking it’s toll. When I have a long cycle through a very high mania I tend to have a build up over… Continue Reading On being unbelievably ratty…

More digital decluttering

It’s amazing how much more time I’ve had this week since I’ve not tweeted. I’m struggling really badly with looking after myself and I’m not improving any in the bipolar sense but I’m spending more time sitting and being. Sitting and being is very important and that’s extended into sitting and being and reading or… Continue Reading More digital decluttering