Well hello depression

I have always been on the depressive side of manic depressive and even during the times when I rapid cycle so many times a day that I lose count there was always the certainty that when the cycling stopped that I would stop in depression and not mania. Depression, while a disgusting and debilitating experience,… Continue Reading Well hello depression

Stop the world, I want to get off

I’m waiting to see a psychiatrist again. My GP requested a referral and we’re both hoping I’ll get to see my last consultant mainly because he’s amazing at his job but also because I saw him for about 10 years and we developed a mutual language so it would be easy to talk to him.… Continue Reading Stop the world, I want to get off

Help and the lack of it

When people talk about people with “mental health issues” slipping through the net it’s usually because a person with a mental health diagnosis has killed somebody or they’ve committed suicide after they’ve been in the system and discharged or thought not to be a risk but there is another side to it. I’ve been in… Continue Reading Help and the lack of it

Changes, changes, changes

After around 8 – 10 months of what has become chronic mania I am finally depressed for more than 24 hours. It feels awful but it also feels good in a bizarre way. I’m not in a high grade depression, it’s relatively low grade, and so liveable with. Strange though it may seem to some… Continue Reading Changes, changes, changes

The deterioration of self…

I feel as though I’m disappearing quickly and all that is left to see and feel is mania (though one day I’m sure that mania will be replaced by depression). It’s quite a dramatic thing to think and say but it is by no means the statement of a drama queen. Last week I went… Continue Reading The deterioration of self…

Not coping, managing

I have a difficult illness and, as my former consultant psychiatrist often said, I present an unusual “picture”. He has never seen anybody quite like me and I have never met anybody with bipolar disorder with whom I could identify. I often think, as people talk and relate their symptoms, that if I had their… Continue Reading Not coping, managing

A head full of shit

I feel a bit strange and have done for a few weeks now. As I return back to my version of stability, which is really a level of instability that I can live with, I’ve become aware of, and am coming to terms with, certain things. The first, and arguably most important, is that I’ve… Continue Reading A head full of shit

Being overwhelmed, Twitter bullies and the death of a superstar

I get overwhelmed by huge amounts of information and it really hurts my head. My last consultant said he thought it was because I had become a person with bipolar disorder who was more manic than depressed when for years it had been the other way around. I began taking photos after my dad died… Continue Reading Being overwhelmed, Twitter bullies and the death of a superstar

Why reporting disability hate crime doesn’t pay

I recently reported an incident of hate crime to the police. It was committed against me by someone who had been doing the same sort of thing over the years. Last year the local police, the housing officer and myself decided that I should report it through official channels so it could lay on file… Continue Reading Why reporting disability hate crime doesn’t pay

Rats, ovens & kindness

It’s been a hell of a week. My GP told me that I’ve coped well but I haven’t. I’ve coped but badly. My clothes haven’t been changed often enough. I haven’t had enough baths. I haven’t eaten properly. My washing up took me two hours to do this afternoon. I have coped badly. It started… Continue Reading Rats, ovens & kindness