Limitations, six (now seven) and three

One thing has become very clear this past week or so and that is my previous limitations have changed. My ability to do stuff, whatever the stuff is, has lessened of late and I have to accept this. It may be a temporary thing or it may be a permanent thing but, either way, I… Continue Reading Limitations, six (now seven) and three

I’m going to talk, are you listening?

A few weeks ago I got a letter through the door telling me I was due for an ESA reassessment. Part of me dreaded looking at the form and so I didn’t for a few days and allowed myself to feel panicked and because I allowed that feeling it passed. When I looked at it… Continue Reading I’m going to talk, are you listening?

Decisions, decisions, decisions

I’m not good at doing nothing. I have to be doing something and the art of doing nothing has become about mindfulness – I’ve been practising proper mindfulness for over 10 years not this concentrate on your breathing crap that people sell as mindfulness. Mindfulness isn’t doing nothing of course, you’re actually acutely aware of… Continue Reading Decisions, decisions, decisions

Eric, executive functions and exhaustion

I had an appointment with a consultant psychiatrist this afternoon. Eric and I go way back – 15 years – and he was the first consultant I saw when it became obvious that the brand of bipolar I have was way too much for junior doctors to get their heads round. He hadn’t been in… Continue Reading Eric, executive functions and exhaustion

Shredding, shredding, shredding

As you may guess by the title of this post I’ve been shredding a lot lately and doing even more decluttering around home than I thought was possible. I’m not the kind of person that holds on to possessions but they can always be just a little more organised. I used to live in chaos… Continue Reading Shredding, shredding, shredding

Moving forward with blogging

When I first started blogging four or five years ago it was because I needed both relief from the silent burden of my mental health and because I wanted to let people know that it’s possible to live with mental health. It felt really important to me to show that recovery from severe bouts of… Continue Reading Moving forward with blogging

My name’s Cecilia, I’m an alcoholic & today I’ve been sober for 25 years

I remember one night in 1991 going to play darts with the girls from the Spring Gardens over to a pub in St George. We were in two cars and I was stuck in the back of one of them with the landlady of the Spring Gardens and somebody I can’t remember. I do remember… Continue Reading My name’s Cecilia, I’m an alcoholic & today I’ve been sober for 25 years

An endless springtime

There is a theory, to which I subscribe, that manic depression is a hibernation cycle that has gone badly wrong. In the lows, the depths of mood where it is impossible to feel even in despair, we are hiding in caves not of our choosing waiting for spring to creep in and enlighten our lives.… Continue Reading An endless springtime

Not coping, managing

I have a difficult illness and, as my former consultant psychiatrist often said, I present an unusual “picture”. He has never seen anybody quite like me and I have never met anybody with bipolar disorder with whom I could identify. I often think, as people talk and relate their symptoms, that if I had their… Continue Reading Not coping, managing

Rats, ovens & kindness

It’s been a hell of a week. My GP told me that I’ve coped well but I haven’t. I’ve coped but badly. My clothes haven’t been changed often enough. I haven’t had enough baths. I haven’t eaten properly. My washing up took me two hours to do this afternoon. I have coped badly. It started… Continue Reading Rats, ovens & kindness