I’m going to talk, are you listening?

A few weeks ago I got a letter through the door telling me I was due for an ESA reassessment. Part of me dreaded looking at the form and so I didn’t for a few days and allowed myself to feel panicked and because I allowed that feeling it passed. When I looked at it… Continue Reading I’m going to talk, are you listening?

The kitchen, stress, dog, stress, cats, stress

I think it’s fair to say that, reading from the title of this particular blog post, you can guess I’ve had a stressful day. The old kitchen got stripped out this morning and it’s going to take about two weeks to become the new one. The council have a contractor to do them and each… Continue Reading The kitchen, stress, dog, stress, cats, stress

Desperate and deranged

I have had three days of hell. I know people describe days as “hell-like” a lot but when the hell is in your own mind and conspiring against you it really is bloody hellish. I’ve tried to get across to my GP and a psychiatrist that I’ve been manic for over a year now and… Continue Reading Desperate and deranged

One thing at a time, living without chocolate & being less manic

I have this great friend who acts as my soundboard and does this kind of motivation coach  (I know, it sounds awful) thing with me. After a five or six years of not being in touch I rang him because my life was in mess and I wanted to talk about somebody taking over my… Continue Reading One thing at a time, living without chocolate & being less manic

Decisions, decisions, decisions

I’m not good at doing nothing. I have to be doing something and the art of doing nothing has become about mindfulness – I’ve been practising proper mindfulness for over 10 years not this concentrate on your breathing crap that people sell as mindfulness. Mindfulness isn’t doing nothing of course, you’re actually acutely aware of… Continue Reading Decisions, decisions, decisions

Today is gratitude day…

Yesterday was the final day of three days of mania. It was extreme irritability day (I was very annoyed with myself even) and it was breaking point day. If I were ever to commit suicide – and I sincerely hope that I never will – it would be on the final day of a manic… Continue Reading Today is gratitude day…

On being unbelievably ratty…

I’ve been really high manic again for three days and it’s wearing me out. I’ve baked bread and scones, I’ve done laundry, I’ve hoovered every day (unheard of) and walked for miles and it’s all taking it’s toll. When I have a long cycle through a very high mania I tend to have a build up over… Continue Reading On being unbelievably ratty…

Shredding, shredding, shredding

As you may guess by the title of this post I’ve been shredding a lot lately and doing even more decluttering around home than I thought was possible. I’m not the kind of person that holds on to possessions but they can always be just a little more organised. I used to live in chaos… Continue Reading Shredding, shredding, shredding

Old friends, yellowing photos and a sense of recklessness

I’ve been looking at some old photos recently as I’ve been doing some big time changes around the flat in anticipation of having a new kitchen done sometime this year. I can’t part with printed photos because if having a photo taken steals a part of your soul then surely if you destroy a photo you’re destroying… Continue Reading Old friends, yellowing photos and a sense of recklessness

Stop the world, I want to get off

I’m waiting to see a psychiatrist again. My GP requested a referral and we’re both hoping I’ll get to see my last consultant mainly because he’s amazing at his job but also because I saw him for about 10 years and we developed a mutual language so it would be easy to talk to him.… Continue Reading Stop the world, I want to get off