I don’t do crossroads, I do corners

After what seems to be years, but in reality is just a few months, I finally have finally seemed to turn a corner. Getting to crossroads tends to suggest two options from which to choose but I’ve never been in that position, I’ve always been on the right side of the path but sometimes I… Continue Reading I don’t do crossroads, I do corners

Limitations, six (now seven) and three

One thing has become very clear this past week or so and that is my previous limitations have changed. My ability to do stuff, whatever the stuff is, has lessened of late and I have to accept this. It may be a temporary thing or it may be a permanent thing but, either way, I… Continue Reading Limitations, six (now seven) and three

Well hello depression

I have always been on the depressive side of manic depressive and even during the times when I rapid cycle so many times a day that I lose count there was always the certainty that when the cycling stopped that I would stop in depression and not mania. Depression, while a disgusting and debilitating experience,… Continue Reading Well hello depression

Privacy and the peeled baby

Today I feel exhausted and the pain I felt from writing my most recent blog has left me feeling soulless. I rarely expose so much of myself when I write. People often think that they know me through my writing but that’s not true – they learn of my experiences but me, my inside self,… Continue Reading Privacy and the peeled baby

I’m going to talk, are you listening?

A few weeks ago I got a letter through the door telling me I was due for an ESA reassessment. Part of me dreaded looking at the form and so I didn’t for a few days and allowed myself to feel panicked and because I allowed that feeling it passed. When I looked at it… Continue Reading I’m going to talk, are you listening?

Waiting for Kafka

I am in constant preparation for the next bout of episodes. I always hope that episodes will be of the long kind as they’re much more gentle on my body and mind (though still incredibly destructive) but those are an increasingly distant memory. Unfortunately for me I rapid cycle and rarely do anything else and,… Continue Reading Waiting for Kafka

Moving on in more ways than one…

It’s ten days since I had the big chat with my GP and knew that my life had to change. Bipolar Disorder is a hard task master and at times it chains me to the wall and leaves me for dead. I am still mourning the loss of overnight stays away but that is tempered… Continue Reading Moving on in more ways than one…

Washing wonders, sadness and getting on with it

A week ago today I got my first automatic washing machine in 23 years. Since then I’ve worked its electric fingers to the bone (I’ve lost count of the loads I’ve fed it but we’re talking 16+) and it’s done it all without a complaint. Last Saturday I had no clean jeans in my wardrobe… Continue Reading Washing wonders, sadness and getting on with it

A list of a lot of things

I seem to spend half my life trying to keep up with the targets I set for myself and then being surprised when I don’t achieve them. You’d think that by now I would have learned that setting targets isn’t the way for me to go. I’m a perfectionist and I demand far more perfection… Continue Reading A list of a lot of things

Of Eric and Ogden

At the end of July I had a consultation with a psychiatrist that I’d know fn a long time. I was feeling manic and had done for nearly a year and it had stemmed from an attempt to go medication free. Being medication free is the Holy Grail for most people with mental health problems… Continue Reading Of Eric and Ogden