I have started putting the decisions I made into action and it feels quite good.
Today I sent the email that delivers my opinions on a report but also, just before I signed it, says I’m not going to be doing any community work any more. I’m going to attend community meetings (perhaps) but that’s me done and this time I mean it.
I’ve talked to a friend today and we’re planning some things that will help me cope with whatever it is that’s going on in my brain but allow me to do useful things as well as getting rest and reshaping my life.
Today I left Ogden at home and walked up and down a street taking photos from a recent graffiti festival. The impact of the festival on the local community is huge (think women as well as men peeing in the streets and more rubbish than a whole series of Big Brother) but the artwork left behind on walls and shutters is beautiful on the whole.
As I walked I played Pokémon Go (judge me if you must but it’s bloody good fun and I was walking the whole time I did it so therefore exercise) and thought about how it was a long time since I’d done such a walk and that it’s easy to leave the good things behind if you blink too slowly.
I’m going to keep on working on accepting that I have to make changes in my life but that I can make the changes a positive thing. I’ll always be able to write and I will always be able to put that to use in one way or another even if it’s only writing a blog and divulging my insecurities and perceived weaknesses.
My voluntary job will continue and I’m in the driving seat as far as that goes so all is well and if not consistent then at least manageable.
Tonight I’ve felt like celebrating but since I don’t drink or smoke I had a pie. A carefully chosen pie though – not too high in saturated fat – and a very nice pie it was indeed.
Pies aren’t bad metaphors for life – it’s as wholesome as you make it, it can be indulgent and as long as it doesn’t damage you it’s bloody lovely.