Some days I wake up sad and today was one of them. I’ve had it drummed into me that the way I feel when I first wake isn’t an indicator of how I’ll feel all day it’s just the way I feel right then. I gave it some time and by 9.30 I was still feeling sad and a little tearful and now at 13.40 I’m still sad and tearful.
In a way this isn’t unexpected. I had a wonderful few days away last week and saw some of my favourite people and met one, who I know via Twitter, for the first time. I’ve had some lovely travelling time there and back and my journey was totally smooth. I walked around 22 miles in three days and bought a new camera. I even found the exact loaf tins I’ve been looking for so I have every reason to call the trip a success and be happy about it.
But, and there is always a but, it tired me out even though I slept well on both nights that I was away and I was glad to get home. After such a good time it was inevitable that I would feel a sense of anti-climax and, coupled with a mood disorder, the likelihood of there been a downswing in mood was highly likely.
I haven’t decided I was going to have a downswing mood wise but it has happened and I have to deal with it. Today I’ve bought the cat that likes going out a harness so that I can take him outside safely (too many dogs in our neighbourhood to let him out alone) and taking him outside was a partial success. I’ve updated another website I have and I’ve cuddled the cats. When the rats finally wake up then there’ll be cuddles with them too.
I’m doing the right things and none of the bad things and I still feel sad however I have a record of instability regards mood and it may lift in ten minutes or I’ll be stuck with it for days and eventually end up in a vicious set of ultra rapid cycles.
In the meantime while it’s deciding what to do life has to go on and it is. Laundry is getting done, food is being cooked and eaten and I’m still having long walks it’s just all done with a sad demeanour.
It will lift eventually. No two days are the same with bipolar disorder and my days have a habit of being in too many parts to count but I’m alive and still tackling things well and that’s all that counts.