Feeling guilty and not feeling guilty

While I (and others) acknowledge that I have a hugely wild form of what is a spectrum illness and I’m on the extreme end of the worst I still find myself feeling guilty for only just managing it at times. I feel as though I should apologise for not doing enough and lacking the capability to recover.

My plans this morning included doing three small loads of washing, cooking something wonderful yet simple and making lemon curd. I’ve done two loads of washing, had a a sandwich and the lemon curd is still lemons (no jam jars).

Part of me is feeling really guilty because the expectations I have of myself are just far too high and, despite all I say, I fear that I am being judged because of the inadequate way that I live.

Anyway, I’ve recognised the potential mania and realised that if I should be looking after that NOT feeling guilty for refusing to feed it.

DH000006I’ve laughed at myself a lot today though. My 80 year old mother has joined Facebook and she’s apologising for not getting things right. I was on there four months before I realised that there was a home page and I could see what other people were posting. She’s doing all right, I’m not feeling guilty and the sun is shining. Good day I’d say.