Limitations, six (now seven) and three

One thing has become very clear this past week or so and that is my previous limitations have changed. My ability to do stuff, whatever the stuff is, has lessened of late and I have to accept this. It may be a temporary thing or it may be a permanent thing but, either way, I… Continue Reading Limitations, six (now seven) and three

On disordered eating

When I first saw the consultant whose care I was under for about a decade we talked about what I wanted or hoped to gain from our time together. He was not a psychiatrist who believed that he was just there to write prescriptions and make hospital admissions, he believed that he was there to… Continue Reading On disordered eating

Well hello depression

I have always been on the depressive side of manic depressive and even during the times when I rapid cycle so many times a day that I lose count there was always the certainty that when the cycling stopped that I would stop in depression and not mania. Depression, while a disgusting and debilitating experience,… Continue Reading Well hello depression

Privacy and the peeled baby

Today I feel exhausted and the pain I felt from writing my most recent blog has left me feeling soulless. I rarely expose so much of myself when I write. People often think that they know me through my writing but that’s not true – they learn of my experiences but me, my inside self,… Continue Reading Privacy and the peeled baby

I’m going to talk, are you listening?

A few weeks ago I got a letter through the door telling me I was due for an ESA reassessment. Part of me dreaded looking at the form and so I didn’t for a few days and allowed myself to feel panicked and because I allowed that feeling it passed. When I looked at it… Continue Reading I’m going to talk, are you listening?

Let’s talk about Linda…

About 30 years ago I began to attend a support group for people who had an alcoholic in the family. I didn’t like it much there at all. I was ignored at my first meeting and was later told it was because I looked ‘so together’ whatever that means. I kept on going back because… Continue Reading Let’s talk about Linda…

Waiting for Kafka

I am in constant preparation for the next bout of episodes. I always hope that episodes will be of the long kind as they’re much more gentle on my body and mind (though still incredibly destructive) but those are an increasingly distant memory. Unfortunately for me I rapid cycle and rarely do anything else and,… Continue Reading Waiting for Kafka

A list of a lot of things

I seem to spend half my life trying to keep up with the targets I set for myself and then being surprised when I don’t achieve them. You’d think that by now I would have learned that setting targets isn’t the way for me to go. I’m a perfectionist and I demand far more perfection… Continue Reading A list of a lot of things

Of Eric and Ogden

At the end of July I had a consultation with a psychiatrist that I’d know fn a long time. I was feeling manic and had done for nearly a year and it had stemmed from an attempt to go medication free. Being medication free is the Holy Grail for most people with mental health problems… Continue Reading Of Eric and Ogden

Desperate and deranged

I have had three days of hell. I know people describe days as “hell-like” a lot but when the hell is in your own mind and conspiring against you it really is bloody hellish. I’ve tried to get across to my GP and a psychiatrist that I’ve been manic for over a year now and… Continue Reading Desperate and deranged