Casting off but gently

When I went through the process of finding my word of the year recently one of the promises I made to myself was to back away from a few people because they were emotionally draining or that the friendships were one sided.

One person that purports to be a really good friend, on reflection, has gathered together a set of clichés joined together by words that disappear if you look too hard at them. I have counted the times that I have seen this friend when I’ve come away feeling upbeat or relaxed but I can’t get the total above zero. I feel that the time I spend with them has an agenda that is controlled by them and so I feel manipulated and bruised if I don’t give in to their desires. I can’t keep on allowing myself to be in that position.

Emotional abuse isn’t confined to sexual relationships or within family situations, it extends beyond that. Part of the abuse is the expecting me to be available to them whenever they need me but being almost absent when I need them even if we are in the same room.

What really annoys me is that I always have to speak to them first. I cannot remember a time when they initiated a conversation or got in touch with me first. I’m tired from all the running.

The other person is just so angry all of the time. Everybody who knows this friend feels the brunt of their anger because they are angry about EVERYTHING. I have enough anger issues of my own to cope with, I don’t need to witness or be part of another person’s negativity.

Having come to this I am still feeling fear about backing away. What if they recognise themselves and confront me? I know it’s not likely in either situation but what if? Before I set the way I felt down in this blog I was comfortable in my decision and now it all feels a little bit too much to handle.

But that’s the point isn’t it? If a friendship feels that it’s too much too handle then it’s not a friendship. There has to be balance and there has to be the ability to say not now, I’m not in a good space without getting a mouthful or being made to feel that you’ve spoiled someone’s day.

I was meeting up with a friend today for cake and coffee and so she could have a nose at my new kitchen. When it came down to it family stuff got in her way and so I had the cake and the coffee myself.

Because that’s what it’s about – you don’t have temper tantrums or seethe silent but deadly thoughts like a stale fart drifting over a crowded room – you say okay mate, hope your day goes well and eat the cake.